2am, where do I begin?
by OfBloodandStarlight
Summary: One night between Barry and Caitlin has... consequences. Caitlin x Barry. One-Shot.


_this is my first fic and english is not my mothers tongue so I apologize for any and all mistakes. This idea came out of nowhere and I thought I'd write it since there's not nearly enough snowbarry fics out there._

_I don't own The Flash, obviously. _

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><p>"I'm glad you're moving on with your life, Caitlin." Dr. Jones says, small smile in place, eyes soft, voice gentle but happy. "Congratulate the father for me, will you?"<p>

Caitlin's mind has been blank since her doctor delivered her the news, her words don't really fully register in Caitlin's brain but nevertheless she manages a nod and a mumbled "thanks", she leaves the room even though she's still in a daze, there's a long list of things her doctor has advised her to do and buy, she has it in her hand, her grip is tight, almost painful.

She leaves the building and drives blindly through town. It's not until she sees the sign of "You're Leaving Central City, Thank You For Visiting", that she snaps out of her reverie, not completely, not yet, but enough to realize what she's doing. She makes an U turn and drives all the way back to her apartment downtown.

It's not until she's parked outside of her building complex that she realizes she can't go in there, not yet. She doesn't know why, (or maybe she does, but she doesn't want to think about it right now, there's too much going on in her head already). She drives to the nearest mall, where there's a small drug store.

She buys all the vitamins she'll be needing for the upcoming months. When she leaves the store it's not without a quiet congratulation from the pharmaceutical to which she doesn't really respond. She makes a bit of grocery shopping, too. Apparently her current diet it's nothing like a pregnant woman's should be.

She hasn't thought about it yet, not in depth, no. She's thought about the _how_ more than anything, but not about the actual meaning of being _pregnant_. She cannot, for the life of her, get over the fact that it was just _one time_, just a _one time thing_, a _one night stand_, an _I love you though I know I can't have you but maybe just this once_ kind of thing, and be it as it may… The actual probability of _this_ outcome was (_God_) so slim and yet— yet here she is, here _they_ are.

Barry and her and this… Little piece of them both. Half her, half _him_. And damnit if the thought doesn't make her heart ache.

She can't deny that she loves him, she can't deny herself the tiny pleasure of being honest about her feelings to, at least, herself. She has loved every part of him for what feels like forever though she knows has only been around three years. Moving on from Ronnie had been one of the toughest things she had had to go through, especially after finding out he was still alive but just not the _same _Ronnie she used to know anymore. She still loves him, she knows a part of her always will, he meant so much to her back when they were together. But now… Now her heart had made space to Barry, too.

She doesn't know how or when it happened exactly, she just knows that one day he was the nosy patient who had bother to noticed she didn't smiled much, then he became the sweet and kind-hearted guy who turned out to be a really great friend, he was her reckless colleague whom she patched up more often than she'd like. She knows it wasn't a thing that happened in a second, she didn't fell blindly in love with Barry, she didn't went to sleep one night thinking of him as just a friend to wake up and realized she was suddenly in love with him. No, it happened gradually. Carefully, tentatively. Every smile, every glance, every accidental (and sometimes not so accidental) brush of his fingertips against her skin, it was another step into love with Barry Allen.

Caitlin knows he loves her, too. They've never actually talked about it in so many words, but they don't _need_ to. Because every "I can't lose another person I care about.", "I need you to be safe, Caitlin.", "I think you look lovely every day, Cait.", "I'd say it but I think you know already." It speaks louder than any other words would ever could. But she also knows it could never happen, because Barry is Central City's hero before all else, he's the guy that put his whole life on hold because he wants to help his father get justice. He's the kind of guy that cares deeply, he's the kind of guy that can't bear the thought of putting her on danger by loving her. She doesn't want to make his life more difficult that it already _is_, she doesn't want to drag him into anything he doesn't want, doesn't want to force him into anything.

But she knows she has to tell him and she will. She just has to understand it herself first.

* * *

><p>It's late at night and she can't sleep. She's having the hardest time understanding why her morning sickness it's actually <em>night<em> sickness— or… Whatever.

It's been three days since she's found out. She's not totally there yet but she's not freaking out anymore. She hasn't seen much of Barry since Central City has been quiet lately, (Thank God). She's not avoiding him, she is so _not_.

She's just too emotional at the moment, her hormones are being such a freaking pain in the butt to her lately, she wants to scream.

Besides, she still has no idea how would that go, something like, "Remember that night we've never spoken about? It kinda made a baby." Yeah… She doesn't think so.

She just— she doesn't even know_ how_ to say it, how to even _begin!_

She's so moody and her breasts are starting to hurt, she's craving a blackberry muffin and she's just so nauseous and _tired_. She doesn't even realize she's crying until a tear falls in the palm of her hand. Why she's even crying is a mystery to her, maybe is everything, maybe is nothing. She just knows she needs comfort, and warm… She needs _him_. And also a blackberry muffin.

She grabs her phone without thinking it too much, she's dialing his number before she regrets it. It rings four times and she thinks of just hanging up. She's probably interrupting something, or he just doesn't want to answer her. The thought makes cry harder.

She's too distracted to notice that the phone has stopped ringing until Barry's concerned voice brings her attention back to the present, "Cait, what's wrong?" His voice sounds thick with sleep, it's not until she's heard it that she realizes she has just woke him up.

Caitlin glances up to her alarm clock. It reads, 2:00am. "Where do I begin?" She asks, more to herself than anything. Nevertheless he answers her, his voice is soft, he knows she's been crying, her voice literally breaks at the end of every syllable. "I've been told that the beginning it's as a good start as any other." Her only answer it's a watery humorless chuckle.

"I really want a blackberry muffin, Barry." It's what she settles on saying at the end. He doesn't laugh at her, which would be understandable because, for god's sake it's 2am and she's crying over a muffin? He knows there's more to it. He _knows_ her, sometimes better than she knows herself.

"I'll bring you one in a minute." He says before the line goes dead.

It really it's literally a minute after that she hears the soft knock on her front door. She doesn't have time to process what has happened or what is about to happen, to clean or fix herself a bit because then he knocks a second time and her feet are already carrying her through the apartment.

When Caitlin opens the door he's there in his pajamas and a long black coat, in his hand he's holding a brown paper bag, when he looks up to her he smiles softly and holds up the bag for her to take, so she does. "I brought three because who can have just one blackberry muffin, right?"

She chews back half of her first muffin before replying with a quiet, "Thank you."

"It's there more to the muffin story that you're not telling me?" He asks a moment later. They're both sitting in Caitlin's couch, his body is slightly turned towards her but not enough to be considered like he's pressuring her. She can't find her voice though because then she realizes, _this is it_, and the thought it's terrifying, so she just nods her head once.

He nods his own reply and seems deep in thought, they're silent for a while. She's not looking directly at him, she just sends sideway glances when she thinks he's not looking. He looks unfazed by the fact that she just called him at 2am because she was craving muffins. "Are you?" He asks, breaking the silence that had befallen them, "Are you going to tell me, I mean." He adds. Caitlin just nods again without looking at him.

She's not certain she can look at him right now without coming undone, looking at him hurts but it also brings warm, it's complicated, _they_ are complicated. Always have been, on their own and more so when together. She doesn't know where to begin, doesn't know what to do, how he'll react.

"I… I went to the doctor the other day." That gets his attention in a flash, (no pun intended). He looks wary and worry. She can't stop playing with her own hands, she's looking down at her lap, _God she's so nervous_. "I've been feeling sick and really tired lately and… And other symptoms, too. I— I went to get tested and—_oh god_… I am— and I'm pregnant."

The silence that falls upon them then is deafening. She's so preoccupied with the hem of her shirt that she has not seen Barry's reaction at all, she doesn't want to either way, if his silence it's anything to go by it. "I decided that I— I'm keeping the baby." She continues in a hurry, eager to get this all out before she exploits. "You… You don't have to do anything, Barry. I'm not asking you anything. I just— thought that you deserved to know but if… If you don't want any part on our child's life that's fine and if you do want to that is fine, too, and—" Her nervous babbling it's cut short by Barry's fingers lifting her chin, encouraging her eyes to meet his, his left hand puts the hair that fell in her face behind her ear.

"I do." He tell her gently, his gray eyes honest and _loving_, happy. "I want to. Of course I want to. I'm just surprised, that is all, but I want to, Cait." His thumb it's drawing mindless patterns in her skin which makes concentrating in what he's saying quite difficult but she does anyway and she swears her heart skips a beat at his words, but most of all, at the honesty behind them.

Her fingers catch his wrist and she holds on tight, "I'm scare…" She whispers, like it's some kind of secret she's scared anyone will hear, though she knows no one will but him.

"I am, too. Scare out of my freaking mind. But that's okay, Caitlin. It's okay to be scare. Just know that we'll be alright." He tells her. And it feels so easy to just _believe_ in everything he says just for the simple fact that is coming out of him.

But she can't. "How do you know?" She asks him, her voice small.

"Because we'll do it together." He says before wrapping his arms around her. He deposits a kiss in her hair line and she allows herself to believe him this one thing.

They would be alright because they would do it together, and yes there'll be bumps in the road, that was for sure, but to know that she would have Barry to lean onto when things just felt like too much was all she really needed to hear to make it through. They might not be together in the way she'd wish they were, because the world hasn't and won't stop turning, and danger is always lurking just around the corner and maybe being with the fastest man alive wasn't the safest way to go at the moment, but they were together like _this_.

They're doctor and patient, they're colleagues, they're friends, they're two people trying to make the world a better place, and now they're also parents to be. They're together in many ways and for her that is enough for now.

_Fin._


End file.
